Intro：
A lot of people ask me stupid fuckin questions
A lot of people think that what I say on record or what I talk about
on a record
That I actually do in real life or that I believe in it
Or if I say that I wanna kill somebody I'm actually gonna do it or
that I believe in it
Well shit, if you believe that, then I'll kill you, you know why
Cause I'm a criminal
Criminal (you god damn right)
I'm a Criminal
Yeah I'm a Criminal

Verse 1：
My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That will stab you in the head whether you a fag or lez
Or a homosex, hermaf or a transves
Pants or dress, hey fags the answers yes
Homophobic, nah your just heterophobic
Staring at my jeans watching my genitals bulging
That's my muthafuckin balls you better let go of em
They belong in my scrotum you'll never get hold of em
Hey, it's me, Versace, whoops, somebody shot me
And I was just checkin the mail, get it, checkin the male
How many records you expected to sell
When you're second LP send you directly to jail
C'mon, relax guy, I like gay men
Right Ken, gimme an amen, AMEN
Please, lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child help us destroy these demons
Please send me a brand new car or a prostitute

While my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher, preacher, 5th grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me goddamn thing
Cause I watch TV and Comcast cable
You ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from topping these charts
You can't stop me from droppin each March
With a brand new CD for these fuckin retards
And to think, it's just little old me
Mr. don't give a fuck still wont leave

Chorus(2x)：
I'm a Criminal
Every time I write a rhyme these people think it's a crime to tell
em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal
I don't gotta say a word, I just flip them the bird and keep goin I
don't take shit from noone

Verse 2：
The mother did drugs, taught liquor, cigarettes and speed
The baby came out disfigured lickin
It was a seed that would grow just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me (I'm a
criminal)
An animal caged who turned crazed
But how the fuck you supposed to grow up when you weren't
raised
But once I got older and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller but my balls got larger
I drank more liquor to fuck you up quicker
Then you wanna fuck me just for sayin the word ...
My morals went when the president got oral
Sex in his Oval office on top of his desk, father
Is unemployed, now don't ignore me, you can't avoid me
You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde haired and my nose is cormy
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
In plane crashes and laughs as long as it didn't happen to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Eminem and Kim combined, (the
maniacs in)
In place of the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather so I'm taking his place
Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you Dre; you should have kept that thing put away
I guess that will teach you not to let me play with an A (I'm a
criminal)

Skit：
Melman- Aighht look, just go up in that muthafucka, get the
muthafuckin money. and get the fuck up out of there
Eminem- aighht
Melman- I'll be right here waiting on you
Eminem- aighht
Melman- yo Em
Eminem- What?

Melman- don't kill nobody this time
Eminem- AIGHHT mumbles (got damm, that fuck gets on my
fuckin nerves)
Eminem- How you doin?
Store Lady- Hi, how can I help you?
Eminem- I need to make a withdrawal
Store Lady- OK
Eminem- put the fuckin money in the bag bitch and I won't kill you
Store Lady- Oh my god don't kill me
Eminem- I'M not gonna kill you bitch
Store Lady- don't kill me I got two kids at home
Eminem- I said I'm not gonna kill you
Store Lady- don't kill me
Eminem- (GUNSHOT) THANK YOU

Verse 3：
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank run out and just dive in it
So I be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the guy in it I'll hide for 5 minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die bitches, bastards, past pets,
This puppies lucky I didn't blast his ass yet
If I ever gave a fuck I'd shave my nuts
Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck
You muthafucking chickens ain't brave enough
To say the stuff I say so tape it shut
Shit, half the shit I say I just make it up
To make you mad, so kiss my white naked ass
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
It's be a fucking rapist in a Jason mask

Chorus (6x)